Anam Cara

Rainwashed Morning in the Garden...

From Top: Single Blossom New Dawn Climbing Rose.  Bright Pink Knockout Roses in Profusion.  New Dawn Blossom Floating Over Nepeta (Catmint). Cloud of Nepeta (I wish you could smell it.)

Countdown to Goodbye

Fifteen days till we leave Rivendell for the last time.  So, for the next fifteen days, a countdown.  Saying goodbye to some of the things I have loved about our rural home.

There is a tobacco barn on our farm that is over one hundred years old.  For a history buff like me, it was a major selling point.  Look at the hinges.  They are wooden.  Wooden pegs acting as nails.  They would have been cheaper and more readily available in the absence of a good blacksmith.  The drying racks still hang in the top. 

The barn seems to have served as a Grand Central Station of sorts for the animal life on our farm.  We have found snake skins (product of shedding), animal hides (product of someone's lunch), and deep burrows (?) 

As we have not farmed the land, the barn has served no "useful" purpose.  But it has been magic every time I have opened those doors.  Goodbye Barn.

A Gracious Gift of Art...

I think I have mentioned, once or twice, how very much I love my students.  I love their spontaneity, their creativity, their audacity, their originality, their generosity....  Today, one of my students presented me with a precious surprise.  She created for me a lovely work of art incorporating numerous images and terms from our art history class.  It is beautiful.  It is priceless.  It is a treasure.

She included art works from a variety of genres and time periods.  The terms are words like composition, harmony, innovative, mythical.  And right across the middle, one of my favorite quotes:  "Exactitude is not Truth."  Delacroix originated it, and Matisse frequently borrowed it.  We read it in the book, Blue Arabesque.  Then one day I opened class by scrawling it across the board and asking them what it meant.  This led to rich, significant discussion.

I teach because I have to.  I was made for it.  For me, the pay has always been a bonus.  I would do it, and frequently have, for free.  I love it every day.  But, there is a magical moment when you look into the face of a student and realize that he has just connected with a truth that is going to make a difference...that the way she sees life will never be exactly the same.  I live for those moments.  And for moments like today...when a student says, "You made a difference.  I remember."  Thanks, Hilary.  It means more than you could possibly know.

Peonies, Part Deux

I couldn't resist.  They are just so pretty. 

How Sweet the Name...

How Sweet the Name
by Delirious

What would I have become
If you’d never stopped to pull me through
What would this life had done
If you’d never whispered liberty
I heard you sing so sweetly a song of love

Jesus how sweet the name
The name that saves
Jesus how sweet the sound
The sound of GRACE
The sound of praise
The sound that saves

So many songs I’ve sung
But there’s none more beautiful than you
And here I’ve found myself
I’m so happy to be lost in you
I hear you sing so sweetly, a song called love

EVERY soul needs a saviour

Painting by Salvador Dali

Creativity Drain.....

It's the end of school.  I am filling out report cards for all my students.  I write notes on all of them.  It is my last opportunity this year to speak into their lives...to call out what I have seen in them...to challenge, to encourage.  And, I am writing love notes to all my dear senior friends.  This is such a melancholy time of year for me.  I am excited by the freedom and ease of summer.  I am thrilled for the students I know who are graduating.  It is an IMPORTANT milestone...a launching of sorts.  But, I grieve the loss of these friendships...not a loss perhaps, but a separation...  Anyway, all this writing has completely drained my creativity.  I sat and stared at my computer last night trying to think of something....anything...valuable to share with you.  And I got nothing.  Nothing.  So, I thought I would direct you to a few of my friends who I know will contribute creativity and inspiration to your day.

Most of you who follow this blog know my nephew Tucker and his amazing parents.  You can read the latest goings on with them at Tuckers Heart.  Candy's Mother's day post was especially sweet.

Chad has a great post about Mystery.

Nina always has something creative or inspiring or thought provoking to say.  I especially like her new post about Impossible Things.

Josh has his new campaign art up and it is exceptional.  You should really check it out.

William has a challenging post about forgiveness and a nod to St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Franklin, a place where I have found sanctuary at times when I really needed it.

Finally, I would like to introduce you to a new old friend.  Rhonda and I go way back.  There was a time when we were completely entangled in one another's lives.  We home schooled together.  More accurately, I should say, she was my home schooling mentor.  She taught me so much and I will be forever grateful.  We sang together at church, and spent a great many late nights in the recording studio singing and laughing and eating.  We spent ten wild, unforgettable days in Manilla.  We share a love for things historic and things beautiful.  But, life has seasons.  And there came a season where our lives grew apart...new church...new school..etc...  But, just last week we ended up at two different functions together and had the chance to reconnect.  Now we need not lose touch again because Rhonda has a new blog.  It is called Mhaolains Child.  In typical Rhonda fashion, the name is a nod to her Celtic heritage.  You will find beauty in her pages.  You will find insight and wisdom and challenge.  Pay her a visit.  I am sure you will be glad you did.

A Legacy of Beauty...

If my grandmother were still living, she would be one hundred this year.  Elsie Goldie was the first of thirteen children born to George and Annie Collins.  She would later bear five children of her own, the second of whom was my dad.  She grew up on a farm and worked hard all her life.  She was a new bride when the Great Depression hit and it shaped how she lived her life from then on.  When she died, she was sleeping on threadbare sheets while she had a brand new set still in plastic in her closet.  Having known the uncertainty and fear of want, she learned to get by with very little and to plan for the future. 

When I was four or five years old, my dad and his brothers built a house for my Grandma across the yard from us.  She was a constant presence in my growing up.  I remember the smell of her house.  Coffee.  Always.  I remember the smell of her.  Juicy Fruit chewing gum.  Always.  I remember that beans were always on the table, regardless of whatever else might be there.  I remember this old cabinet she had that had a built-in sifter.  I loved that.  It was like magic.  My mom has it now.  I remember playing under the quilting frame while she quilted. I remember that the Christmas tree had to be a cedar.  Always.  I remember that even though she carried a purse, she always pinned her door key inside her slip.  I remember driving her to the grocery store when I was older and helping her find what she needed.  Just before she was finished, she would excuse herself for a minute to go buy her snuff...like she was embarrassed.  I wonder why.  I remember the tiny silver spoon she kept in the snuff box.  Probably the most valuable thing she owned.  I remember watching her comb out the long, silver hair that was normally braided and coiled around the back of her head.  I remember sleeping with her on her corn shuck mattress.  It was soft, but a bit crackly...and it smelled like a grassy field on a warm day.  I remember, when she would hug me, always being surprised by how very strong those arms were.  I remember the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. 

My grandmother went home to be with the Lord fourteen years ago.  She was not a wealthy woman.  But she left us a legacy, none the less.  She left a legacy of loyalty and love and generosity.  She left a legacy of warmth.  Each of her five children and nine grandchildren has a quilt she made with her own hands.  Mine is the turtle pattern that always fascinated me as a child.  And, she left a legacy of beauty.  My grandma loved Peonies.  She had loads of them.  She babied those Peonies.  She fussed over them.  And every spring, she exulted in them.  The Peonies blooming right now in my garden are hers.  My mother brought them to me years ago.  They have moved with us several times.  And, in a couple of weeks, I will dig them up and move them again.  And each spring, when those luscious blossoms burst open, I will remember...always.

Hand it Over

The artwork above was done by my friend, Josh Cassidy.  Josh is one of my favorite people to share the green room with.  He has a quick wit and a wry sense of humor that keeps me laughing til I hurt.  If I could paint like Josh, I would be feeling pretty good about myself.  But that's not enough for him.  Oh, no.  He is a fabulously talented guitar player and singer.  You can definitely hear the Clapton influence.  But you also can hear seasoned, soulish blues as well.  Today at church he wailed on a Keb Mo tune called Hand it Over.  You can check it out HERE.  Click on today's date, then forward to 36:50 in the service.  Visit Josh's BLOG to see more of his illustrations or to contact him about commissioning a piece.  He told me today about a "just for fun" political piece he has in the works that should be up soon.  Sounds hilarious.

To One Who Bears the Sweetest Name...

...so begins one person's attempt to capture the essence of motherhood in a poem.  It is a courageous attempt, but inadequate.  All of them are inadequate.  How do you reduce such a profound mystery to words...any words, however poetic?  But, this past year, I have watched the poetry of women living out the most radiant pictures, the most beautiful music, the most lyrical poetry of motherhood.  With my feeble words, I will attempt to acquaint you with a few of my heroes.  (The names have been abbreviated to protect the humble. :)

I have experienced the joy of new motherhood with my friend J.  We shared the longing phase even before there was a little one on the way.  I saw in her the yearning to share the abundance of love God had placed in her with a child of her own.  God most graciously gave her the desire of her heart, and her baby boy is growing healthy and strong inside her.  I love watching her as she talks about her son.  Her whole face lights up, and it is obvious that this little one whose face she has never seen has already knitted himself deep within her heart.  Poetry.

With my friends K and J, I have seen mothers who are willing to do the hard work of mothering well.  I have seen both of them wrestle with balancing work that is meaningful and fulfilling with giving themselves to their precious little ones.  There is no easy answer to that question.  And, there is no answer for all seasons.  It is a constant seeking.  I have also admired their determination to understand themselves so that false ways of thinking that might have been inadvertently (or purposefully) taught to them will not be passed on to their children.  I so esteem them for doing this hard work, and wish I had begun it when I was as young as them.  Courage.

I have watched both W and L as they have opened their hearts and their homes to children who were born in another country and who have no home.  Adoption is an arduous process.  The weak-willed need not apply.  I have seen them push and encourage and beg and plead in the effort to bring their children home...and they are not yet here...not YET...  Tenacity.

My friend H has room in her heart for about a hundred children.  And conveniently she has about that many (or more).  But, thus far, none of them have been born of her body or live at her house.  However, the impact she has had on the lives of countless kids, including my daughter, is incalculable.  Just over a year ago, she and her husband became a visiting family for a young man at the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home.   They came into his life at just the right time.  This past year has been so difficult.  But she has been there every step of the way building trust in a sweet guy who has been betrayed or disappointed by everyone in his life that mattered.  She has shown him that it is safe to love and that there are people who will be there for you ALL the time, no matter what.  Grace.

You have met my sister in law C in these pages over the past few weeks.  I am not sure I can tell you all I have learned from her this year.  I have seen her be an advocate for Tucker.  She has researched his condition and is often better informed than his doctors.  She has been fierce when she needed to be to get action when doctors didn't recognize the urgency of the situation.  She has been gracious, and patient, and strong, and kind.  She is a woman of faith, the likes of which I may never know.  You can see what her husband, my brother, had to say about her last week by clicking HERE.  Love.

Last but not least, I have watched my own mother this year as she has walked a new road with a familiar grace.  For the past couple of months, she has alternated between spending the night at the hospital with my grandmother and caring for Monty and Candy's older two while they have been at the hospital with Tucker.  She gives and gives and gives...not for glory, not for praise, but because it is who she is.  I hope I will live up to her example.  Generosity.

Being a mom is the most rewarding, intimidating, exhausting, sweet, precious, exhilarating, daunting, confusing, educational, significant, important, eternal thing I have ever done.  I am grateful for the opportunity.  I am also grateful for the example of fine women like you have just met.  To all of you who mother, be blessed today and all days.  You are highly esteemed.

*Addendum:  Candy will be spending Mother's Day at the hospital.  Tucker has another infection.  Please pray for her, for Tucker, for Monty, and for Anna and Ethan.  This will be a hard day for them as they had longed to spend it together.

Where the Love Lasts Forever...

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

So I throw my life upon all You are,
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You,
Where the love lasts forever.

And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me, Lord You saved me.

With You, where the love lasts forever.

~Hillsongs United

Where the Wild Things Are...

Joshua and I have been studying about animals this semester. Yesterday we culminated our study with a trip to the zoo.  It was great fun.  Here are some favs:

Meerkats.  I could be persuaded to take one of these home.  Probably.

Emerald Tree Boa.  Gonna leave this one there.  But, he is really pretty...in a creepy sort of "I would like to know where he is before I go to sleep" kind of way.

Caiman.  Forgive me, but I couldn't help thinking what pretty shoes he would make.

One of our favorite new additions is the lorikeet exhibit.  It is an open air structure where you are permitted to walk among the lorikeets and a few of their friends.  The hand is mine.  This little guy has just been drinking nectar from the little cup.  He is saying thank you.  Trust me.  Joshua took the photo.

Time to clean up after our visit to the birds.  Nice artistic, fun touch.

The elephants seem happy in their new grasslands exhibit.  Joshua was especially excited about seeing them.

A sweet day with my littlest.

Renegade Rainbow...

This afternoon I was folding laundry...a decidedly unglamorous job.  I had been watching the rain which had come and gone all afternoon.  At one point, I glanced up and noticed that the sun was shining while it rained.   Big, meaty drops were falling into the pool.  The splashes they made looked like diamonds in the sun.  I ran for the camera in an attempt to capture this magical moment.  When I walked out the back door, I was captured by an entirely different phenomenon.  There was a rainbow....in my backyard!  Seconds after I snapped the photo, it was gone.  A moment.  A breath.  That was all.  But a wondrous breath it was!

Will You Marry Me....

....in 2023?  This is the title of a great new song by two of my favorite people in the world.  Cooper and Gatlin have been part of our lives since birth.  (Their births you understand, not mine.)   Both are talented singers and actors, and Cooper has now added wild, hot guitar skills to his repertoire.  Of course, the apples do not fall far from the tree in this case.  Mom, Wendi, was part of the Christian trio Sierra for 10 years, and is an accomplished actress herself.  The new song was actually her idea, inspired by a sweet friendship that Cooper developed with a young woman of integrity and honor who is just the type of person they would love to see him marry...someday...in 2023, or so.  Dad, Brian, is a Dove award winning, Grammy nominated, keyboardist, programmer, and producer extraordinaire.   He leaves in a couple of weeks for a fun 10 week road job with Steven Curtis Chapman.  Not a bad gig if you can get it.

You will definitely be hearing more from this talented duo.  Click on their names above to visit their website, or visit their Myspace page HERE.

Beauty...

"Beauty is all about us, but how many are blind! They look at the wonder of
this earth and seem to see nothing. People move hectically but give little
thought to where they are going. They seek excitement...as if they were
lost and desperate."

~Pablo Casals 

A Walk in the Clouds

"It's the call of the grape that robs our sleep.  When she is ripe, she calls to a man."

Exquisitely Beautiful.  Captivating.  Evocative.  Charming.  Sweet.  Just a few words that are appropriate to the lovely film, A Walk in the Clouds.  It is one of my favorites.  I include it on the extra credit viewing list for my American History students in the final quarter of the year.  As my students kept turning in paragraphs describing their own interactions with the film, I realized it was time to see it again.  It is a sumptuous feast of cinematography.  It is a celebration of honor, of family, of tradition.  It is a lovely initiation into the wine making process...the wine making tradition... the wine making passion.  I breathed slowly.  I cried.  I luxuriated.

"This [is] the root of your life...the root of your family.  You are bound to this land and to this family by commitment, by honor and by love. Plant it.  It will grow."

Aggressive Articulation

Taylor Mali is a poet...a slam poet.  He is also an outspoken advocate for educators and for literacy.  He is brilliant, funny, and completely engaging.  The first of his pieces I experienced was his assessment of the "agressive inarticulation" of our contemporary society and our unwillingness to commit to an idea.  It is called "Like....You know".   

My two favorites are below.  The first is titled "What Teachers Make".  It is one of the best things I have ever heard on the dignity, the honor, and the importance of the educator.  The second, though marginally informative, is mostly just for fun.  It is called "The the Impotence of Proofreading".  BTW, Mali has an extensive vocabulary.  He also employs colorful language when needed.  If this is offensive to you, skip the second piece.

A Commemoration...

"Many women do noble things,
  but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:29-31

Commemoration.  It is vital...for families of all kinds.  It is crucial that we pause to reflect, to say thanks, to BE grateful.  Last night we paused, we reflected, and we gave thanks for a woman who is radiance defined...who has given herself to generations of children in our church and around the world. 

Diane Dawson is the queen of children's choir.  Not just at the People's Church, but among children's choir types all across the country.  She has written choir materials, premiered musicals, coordinated recording projects, and helps plan a national gathering of children's music leaders every fall.  She has applied her unique approach in music camps in Kosova and Harlem, and is now working with our missionaries in Rome to bring kid's music there.

I had the privilege of working in Kizpraise with Diane for 12 years.  She made my job easy and all kinds of fun.  She gathered all the supplies.  She made the plans.  All I had to do was what I loved the most, teach and love on the kids.  All three of my children have learned Bible passages and truths, hymns of the faith, and what it means to be worshipers from Diane.  They have danced, and acted and sung with her.  And they have known that they were important to her...just like every other kid who ever passed through her program.  She knows EVERYBODY'S name; no small feat given that at any given time there are two or three  hundred kids involved.

Last night was a sweet time.  There were old friends who have moved away or who are serving in other churches, and there were lots of kids...kids who have been part of the program.  Some kids brought THEIR kids.  Wow!  The most fun part for me was watching the crowds gathered round t.v. screens in the back of the room.  They were playing children's musicals from days past.  Every one kept shouting, "There I am!!"  "Oh, I remember this one.  This was my favorite."  "Is that Mary Beth?" "My solo is coming up."  There was even a younger, considerably less famous, Miley Cyrus in one of the shows from 3 or 4 years ago.  Fun, fun, fun!

To my sweet friend Diane:  Thank you.  Thanks for 20 wonderful years at The People's Church.  Thanks for your joy and your creativity, your energy and your patience, your integrity and your undauntable spirit.  Thank you for giving so much to my children, to the hundreds of children who were part of Kidzpraise, to the hurting children of Kosovo, to the somewhat reticent children of Harlem who were won over by your love and perseverance, and to all the children around the world whose faces you may never see, but who have benefited from your teaching.  Thank you for loving unconditionally.  Thank you for being my friend.  I joyously anticipate the next twenty years.  :~)

Consider.....

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow:
they neither toil nor spin;
and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory
was not arrayed like one of these.
Now if God so clothes the grass of the field,
which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven,
will He not much more clothe you,
O you of little faith?

~Matthew 6:28-30

Artsy Humor

Just for kicks on a Saturday morning, I thought I would share this with you.  My sweet friend Iz shared it with me.  She called it Kindergarten humor, but I think you would have to be a pretty sophisticated five year old to really get it.  That said, my kids all got a real kick out of it.  But then again, they are my children.  They know more about art and artists than they do about math...which is as it should be. ;~)

It seems there was a scoundrel who executed a daring theft from the Louvre. 

He managed to elude security and escape from the museum with several significant paintings.  He placed the paintings in a van and quickly sped away.  However, he was captured just blocks away when his van ran out of gas.  When asked how someone who could mastermind such a crime made this obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole them.

I had no Monet...

...to by Degas...

...to make the Van Gogh."

I know you are surprised I had De Gaulle...

...to post this.  But, what did I have Toulouse?

Ironman

Kelsey convinced me to go to a movie this afternoon that I was only mildly interested in.  I am SO glad she did.  Ironman is the newest Marvel Comic hero to make it to the big screen.  Basic premise is this: Genius inventor and weapons innovator, Tony Stark, has been captured by the enemy.  He is disturbed to find that they possess a great many weapons designed by his company.  They demand that he produce for them his newest creation, the Jericho missile.  But, Stark has a BIG surprise in store. 

This is a film with adventure, intrigue, extravagance, indulgence, betrayal, loyalty, affection, destiny, the search for significance, honor, courage, and self-sacrifice.  It is told with a generous helping of humor and fun.  There is also a love story, sort of.  It is clean (one short bedroom scene, discrete; no profanity that I can remember).  There is violence, but even that is remarkably short on gore.  It was one of those movies that inspired serious audience participation: laughter, sighs, gasps, applause, even commentary. 

I highly recommend this film.  Take your kids, your sons in particular.  Let them dream a little about what it would look like to be a superhero.  Take a look: 

Good Morning, Sunshine!

The newest little Tucker miracles and pieces of wonder, as well as a new website where you can follow his story, even the two or three posts that I haven't included here. :~)

It turns out getting out of bed yesterday wasn't such a bad idea after all. Tucker had lots in store. The day began when I walked over to his crib to wake him. Intentionally not touching him, I said, "Good morning sunshine. It's time to wake up and see Mama", and almost instantly he yawned and opened his eyes.

Throughout the day he truly did bring sunshine. We've decided there is some purpose to that little smile. It seems that if we get down in his face and talk to him, telling him that mama or daddy is here, his whole expression changes. At one point during his exercises, I rolled him over to one side, face to face with me. I got an undeniable smile. His left side is drawn, but he moved the right side of his mouth into a near grin.

His body clock is working marvelously. The kid KNOWS when it's bedtime, and he knows when it's time to rise. That has to mean something.

Today started off with a smile again, as I walked over to his crib and was greeted once again to eyes opening to my voice. I really had to stop and thank God. You see, it was just a few weeks ago that I wrote to you with a broken heart, my worst fear that Tucker would open his eyes and not know me. Now he has opened his eyes a little more, and perhaps he can't see me, but he can hear me, and he KNOWS me. He knows us!

As I was brushing his teeth this morning, I realized that he was swallowing pretty well. I decided to try giving just a tad of water on the sponge. He did really well with it, never choking. I keep moisturizing his lips. Purposeful or not, over and over he would rub his lips together. I like to think enjoying the taste of his new Bubble Yum lip balm.

Ms. Lil came for physical therapy today. We worked on sitting up a little more. His trunk is getting stronger. His head is still quite wobbly and needs support, but it is getting stronger. He was so relaxed, Ms.Lil was pretty happy with his "cooperation" in moving his arms and legs. (He doesn't do anything on demand...but we can at least bend his joints now) He wants to keep his head turned to the left, so we practiced getting him to turn to the right. He wasn't so happy about that. We practiced getting him to turn in response to sound. He doesn't track with his eyes, but he will attempt to turn his head to the sound of my voice. My baby knows me!

When Monty came home this evening, he heard his voice in the next room and his eyes moved (somewhat sporadically) as if trying to find him. He turned his head a notch, which was in my hands, trying to find the familiar voice.

This morning I noted that he didn't seem to be in a great mood. Isn't that an odd thing to say? But isn't it wonderful that this child has made such progress in the past couple of weeks that I can actually tell if he is sad, happy, or in pain? Maybe I'm dreaming it true, but in this moment, it makes me smile.

We want to introduce you to our webpage set up for Tucker. You can find it at www.tuckersheart.com . We are going to continue posting on the carepage, and we will post the same message on the web. The purpose in setting up the web page is to reach more people who may be researching PLE, CHD or stroke. Another benefit is that we can share more photos and videos with you. Feel free to check either one. The website is up and running, and I hope to insert more pics soon. (Check it out for pics of Tucker in therapy today) You don't have to register to see the page, but if you subscribe, you'll know when we update just like you do here, plus it will even send the message right in your email so you won't have to go to the site.

(Note:  If you pull up a page that looks blank, click on the title, and the entry will appear)